Self-compassion with a fierce twist
Background
Most people are familiar with the term compassion. It means kindness, warmth and understanding towards other people, when they are facing failures or hard times. Self-compassion is about directing the same understanding towards oneself. So, instead of strict self-criticism and harsh judgement, we offer ourselves kindness and support when we fail or face challenges. Self-compassion is expressed through kindness and appreciation towards ourselves, as well as taking care of ourselves without judgment.
American educational psychologist Kristin Neff has studied self-compassion extensively for the past twenty years and is known as a pioneer in the field of self-compassion. According to Neff, self-compassion manifests in difficult situations in three distinct ways. A self-compassionate person 1) recognizes their difficulties and is able to face their emotions, 2) is able to show kindness towards themselves, and 3) understands that difficulties are part of the shared human experience and does not attempt to isolate themselves when facing challenges.
Self-compassion often manifests as gentle and nurturing behaviour towards oneself. However, when necessary, it can also be more fierce and firm behavior, for example when it's necessary to defend oneself, set boundaries or motivate change. Self-compassion is not about elevating oneself above criticism or other people, but rather about reinforcing the idea that imperfection is normal.
According to studies, students who practiced self-compassion experienced less fear of failure and were more motivated and self-confident than their non-self-compassionate peers. They dared to take on more challenges and risks. Studies have found that with increased self-compassion there is less procrastination, i.e., with study assignments, as well as less negative reactions to various situations.
Instructions
- Read the background article Fierce Self-compassion in Action.
- Listen and do the audio exercise How to deal with difficult emotions.
- Check out the page Interaction through teaching - What is compassion pedagogy?
- Watch the Compassion short film series and reflect.
Are you a friend or a constant critic of yourself? Why is self-compassion worthwhile?
Self-criticism may cause anxiety, lack of motivation and incomplete performance. Harmful thoughts can crush all courage and enthusiasm. Self-compassion is a beneficial skill that you can practice and learn.
| ⏰ ~9 min. |
The purpose of this exercise is to help you get along with your anger. Easily we strive to keep anger out of our consciousness or supress it. We have learned that it is not really appropriate to be cranky and if we express direct, unhandled anger, we get into conflicts with other people. Working on anger allows us to connect with what the anger wants to tell us or what things it wants to protect us from. It also gives energy and strength to make changes.
The excercise is also in Spotify, Apple Podcasts.
| ⏰ ~ 5 min. |
Fierce self-compassion means learning to harness our anger and turn it into other qualities; courage, strength, courage to take on difficult issues. Instead of reacting with emotion alone, we need space to process anger, mitigate it, and turn it into action.
| ⏰ ~8 min. |
Compassion pedagogy is about teaching in a way that takes into account the well-being of learning and teaching; identifying what causes stress and barriers to learning and seeking to create an environment conducive to learning through teaching solutions.
Compassion pedagogy creates opportunities for all participants to interact and pays attention to learning well-being, i.e. creates an environment in which all participants are treated with kindness and respect. Everyone can decide for themselves what conditions are difficult and what conditions are conducive to concentration and learning.
| ⏰~7-12 minute films |
Watch the films (links underneath)! Have you experienced similar feelings? How have you reacted? Share your thoughts with your colleagues and friends!
The Compassion I-III films are written by Merita Petäjä and directed by Eero Tiilikainen. Produced by Aalto University/AllWell (parts I and II) and Aalto University/Oasis of Radical Wellbeing (part III).
More things to consider
| ⏰ ~5 min., lots of additional material |
You cannot help it if your feelings are aroused, and expressing the feelings that are important to you is important. By sharing your feelings, you are sharing yourself. But it is also good to learn to regulate your emotions. Good emotional skills help you to recognise, tolerate, regulate, deal with and express your feelings. At the same time, they help you to recognise and take into account the feelings of others.
If you do not know how to regulate your emotions, you can end up with uncontrollable outbursts, getting carried away and dwelling on uncomfortable feelings for too long.
| ⏰ ~2-20 min. |
Mindfulness and other mind and brain calming exercises allow us to return to the moment, to pause with our own thoughts and body, but also to connect with our surroundings. It doesn't have to be difficult. Welcome to join us!
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